When we see God

I was thinking today about when we first will see God.

I had always imagined the moment as me running up to see a long lost friend whom I had only been able to communicate with through letters or something. Yet today as I reflect on this sentiment again I sadly don't think that will be my original feeling.

I think when we finally will see God we will have a feeling of shame. What did we spend all those years on earth doing? Why in the world did we spend so much time watching TV? What was it that really consumed us here on earth - was it the mission of loving those most in distress? Was it giving all our money to the poor? Was it being kind to those who spit on us and forgiving our enemies - truly, totally, forgiving them? Did I give all I had to the cause I claimed to follow so 'religiously'? Looking at these questions - are they too high, too unreasonable? Although I can't say yes to any of these questions - no I don't think they are unreasonable.

I think we forget that our faith, the religion following the life of Jesus Christ of Israel is radical and not cozy. It is not something that we can participate in half-time. It is like swimming, when you get in the water you are completely surrounded, although sometimes I feel like I am the one clinging to the edges with my water wings, hoping that the experience will soon be over and yet the next day claiming that yes I am indeed an experienced swimmer. When will I dare to be surrounded, completely surrounded by Christ.
Being kind to those who spit on us
Loving those MOST in distress
Giving ALL our money to the poor
Forgiving our enemies COMPLETELY. These are not standards I can profess to adhere to.